How Hearing Loss Affects Relationships and Tips for Staying Connected
I never thought living with hearing loss was on the cards for me. Well, I suppose I assumed that I would start losing my hearing gradually as I aged. But at 34, I gave very little thought to my hearing. I had never had an ear infection, and my ears had always just worked, quietly doing their job in the background.
But fate had other plans. 9 years ago, when sudden hearing loss jolted my life into new territory, I realised that there was more to hearing loss than simply an altered access to sound. My hearing loss affected not only the way I communicated, but it also affected every relationship I had.
When Hearing Loss Changes the Way We Connect
Communication is what keeps us connected to the people we love. It helps us make plans, join conversations at work, share the juiciest gossip with friends, and support them through tough times. It allows us to hear whispered words from our partners and spend meaningful time with our families.
When you’re used to relying on your hearing to communicate, any change, whether gradual or sudden, can naturally shift how you connect with others. This can shake the foundations of even the strongest relationships. That does not mean hearing loss has to be a negative disruption, but it does bring new challenges for communication and relationships as you learn to adapt.
For me, the smallest moments started to feel difficult. Missing a joke. Getting lost in a group conversation. That familiar feeling of smiling and nodding when I hadn't fully understood. The connection I’d once felt so effortlessly with people started to feel more fragile because the ease of communication had disappeared. Conversations began to take more energy, especially in noisy environments. I’d find myself mentally preparing for events, planning how to explain my hearing loss again, and hoping I wouldn’t get completely lost in conversation.
I’m not the only one who’s felt this shift. Over the years, I’ve connected with many others navigating their own hearing loss experiences, each with stories of how it’s affected their relationships.
Neville, who experienced sudden hearing loss in his 60s, shared how it changed both his emotional wellbeing and his connections with others:
“It was a huge shock. It changed so much in my confidence and communication. The constant ringing in my head caused further health issues, such as depression. I have CROS hearing aids, which only help in certain circumstances, and my family usually have to repeat things or raise their voice for me to hear them, and I know it's frustrating for them now. I live mostly in my own isolated world, as normality can be too hard, hearing-wise. I have just had to get too busy to worry about it all. But I'm not the same person, and it's hard for them to understand.”
Real Stories From the Hearing Loss Community
Wanting to explore the topic of hearing loss and relationships more deeply, I recently asked members of my Facebook hearing loss support group to share how their experiences have affected their connections with others. I received some fascinating takes on this, some of which I wasn't anticipating.
Let’s look at different themes that emerged from what the group members shared:
Dating and Finding Love with Hearing Loss
Romantic relationships bring their own set of complexities, especially when dating with hearing loss. Kasim, 29, who experienced hearing loss a year ago, reflected on the difficulties of finding a future partner:
“I can imagine being in a relationship [and experiencing hearing loss] has its challenges as your partner needs to adjust to your new situation, and many do, but I find that feels even more difficult when you're young or have yet to find someone.”
“Dating often starts with meeting or going out to public places, which, although possible, can be difficult when you are trying to make a positive impression if you end up in a noisy cafe or restaurant. Add an element of low self-esteem or fear for the individual accepting who you are and the struggles that come with it, and you end up in a position where, although you do your very best, you know that person will need to work a bit harder if they want to share a life with you long-term.”
“My sister's getting married in 12 months. I'm really pleased for her but when relatives give me the wink or nudge saying I'll be finding someone next.... it really hurts knowing its going to involve me working harder not to mention explaining to that person I've gone half deaf, it wasn't always like this, it looks permanent, the tinitus makes it worse and this impacts my life in a way you may not be able to accept.”
Why Hearing Gain Can Also Be a Challenge
We often hear how hearing loss can affect relationships, but what’s less talked about is how gaining hearing, such as through a cochlear implant, can shift relationship dynamics too. Regaining access to sound can bring enhanced communication, but it can also raise unexpected challenges or fears of change in established bonds.
Felicity shares how her relationship adapted, not just through hearing loss, but through hearing gain:
“My husband met me when [I was] completely deaf. He was prepared to do anything to communicate. We built a beautiful relationship, and then I had a cochlear implant (CI). Although he supported me through this, he was concerned that having an implant would damage or change our relationship. It didn't, and just made it easier. He has had to compromise. No movie going as I find the sound way too loud, and no cinemas near us in any case. But with 2 CIs, he treats me as a normal hearing person.”
Parenthood, Hearing Loss, and Finding the Funny Side
Parenting can be challenging at the best of times. Throw hearing loss into the mix, and it brings a whole new set of hurdles. For some parents and grandparents, hearing loss has changed the way they communicate with their families, but it has also deepened their resilience, humour, and appreciation for connection.
Emily, who has profound hearing loss in one ear and normal hearing in the other, shares:
“Regarding motherhood with hearing loss, that is hard to condense down, as I just led an hour workshop on the topic. But it is challenging and has its highs and lows. Sometimes I am amazed at how adaptable my children are and how much empathy they have learned because of my experience. I see them advocate for me to smooth over a moment when I don't hear a stranger, and I am so proud.”
“Other times, I am so frustrated about the 75th reminder that you can't successfully communicate with me when your head is in the fridge. I try to keep repeats humorous by saying the ridiculous rhyming things I hear in order to keep all of us laughing and enjoying the interaction, rather than giving in to frustration. Some days it goes great, and other days I am so fatigued from all the noise inherent to children.”
Felicity reflects on how hearing technology helped her connect with her grandchildren. “Without my implants, I would not have enjoyed being part of my grandchildren's speech acquisition. It was such a wonderful experience,” she shared.
When Socialising Becomes Exhausting
Hearing loss not only affects personal or romantic relationships, but it can also deeply impact our ability to connect with friends, colleagues, and social circles. Events that were once enjoyable can feel overwhelming or isolating. Invitations start to bring pressure, and everyday small talk can be difficult when you're navigating the invisible challenges of hearing loss.
Kasim shared some reflections on how his hearing loss has affected his social and work life:
“Over the last 12 months, there have been lots of events, Christmas parties, etc, and although I try to attend some, others, I know it will simply be unbearable to sit in, especially if there is loud music.”
“People also often ask me how I'm doing. I try to be positive and do believe life is worth living with moments of joy, but normally, I just say I'm good and pretend to smile. Lots of people with personal issues do the same, but how can I explain to a colleague I don't really know too personally that I've ended up with a rare condition that's impossible to cure or get treatment for? It impacts how I cope in certain environments and all this with no idea how or why it happened.”
“People may think you're withdrawn or unsociable, but the truth is it can just be too much or really hard to explain why you can't go to the work event in a bar, or may just give a polite answer so as not to ruin someone else's positive day.”
Similarly, Neville described how the sensory and mental fatigue caused by hearing loss has affected his energy and ability to engage socially:
“I am now not the same efficient, problem-solving, multi-tasking, energetic person I was, and I can get tired very easily as all the distorted noise drains me. Going out to a function just leaves me isolated, even when friends try to communicate over other noise, so I usually don't understand what's going on. This ends with them talking amongst themselves, leaving me out.”
The Power of Small Adjustments in Relationships
Despite the challenges, many people also described moments of patience, kindness, and adaptation from loved ones. Small shifts that made a big difference in their relationships.
I learned quickly how painful it can be to hear someone say, “It doesn't matter” or “never mind” when I’ve asked them to repeat something I didn’t catch. I explained to my partner how dismissive that felt, and he took it on board. But navigating life with hearing loss in a relationship goes both ways. Early on in my life with hearing loss, my partner gently explained to me that he was finding it irritating that I just kept saying “what?!” to him. It was an uncomfortable discussion because I wasn't accustomed to not hearing him, and this was my natural response. Yet, the “what” was happening constantly throughout the day. I imagined myself in his position and understood how annoying this must have been for him. We decided to come up with a plan. Instead of defaulting to “what?” all the time, I started using other responses like “Sorry, I didn’t hear you,” with a neutral tone, not as an apology for my hearing loss, along with things like “Can you say that again, please?” or “What was that?” Soon, the single word “What?” became obsolete, and I varied my responses throughout the day. I was still not hearing as much as before, but at least I was being more creative with my responses and sparing my partner some frustration.
Emily spoke about the kindness and awareness shown by her friends:
“For my friends, it has really shown who shows up and who cares. My good friends do a lot to accommodate me. They let me pick the restaurant we are gathering at, or are happy to have me modify the seating as I need. They check in with me. Also, people whose voices are in easier registers to hear are less fatiguing and more fun to spend time with. I am lucky because I had a great and strong community of friends before my hearing loss, and they have continued to support me as a person with hearing loss.”
She also reflected on how her husband has been an “absolutely amazing support” in her hearing loss journey:
“He always remembers which side is deaf, and always positions himself well. I am grateful that his voice is very easy to hear. He makes my hearing loss the most effortless it ever is in my day-to-day. He is wonderful about interfacing with others, like wait staff, to help make things easier on me. He honors my need for quiet and never makes me feel bad for my struggles.”
Kasim added, “The secret is to be honest at times you're uncomfortable and more importantly not become bitter or resentful if people forget your situation.”
These little adjustments might seem small, but they often go a long way in keeping our relationships strong. Figuring out how to face challenges together can bring us even closer.
Tips for Communicating Well with Hearing Loss
Communication can be more difficult with hearing loss, but small changes can make a big difference. If you have hearing loss or are communicating with someone who does, these easy tips can make daily conversations smoother.
Infographic detailing the 7 tips (To download click the image, it will open in a new tab, and then right-click > Save As)
Communication Tips for People with Hearing Loss
Let people know you have hearing loss.
Consider the setting: Pick a place with good lighting and minimal background noise.
Tell people what you need. For example:
Ask people to get your attention before they start talking.
If you’re having trouble understanding, ask them to repeat or say it a different way.
If someone is speaking too quickly, kindly ask them to slow down a little.
Face the conversation: Position yourself where you can clearly see the person's face and lips. Watching their expressions and gestures can help you follow what they're saying.
Offer gentle reminders: Even after you’ve explained, people might sometimes forget to speak clearly or face you. It’s helpful to gently remind them to keep the conversation clear.
Maximise your hearing: If your hearing is stronger in one ear, face that side toward the speaker.
Stay calm: Feeling anxious can make it harder to understand. Be patient with yourself. Nobody hears perfectly all the time.
Communication Tips for Talking to People with Hearing Loss
Infographic detailing the 9 tips (To download click the image, it will open in a new tab, and then right-click > Save As)
Get the person’s attention first: Make sure you have the person’s attention before you start speaking.
Consider the setting: Pick a place with good lighting and minimal background noise.
Face each other: Let them see your lips, facial expressions, and gestures as you speak.
Speak naturally: Use clear speech at a steady pace, with normal facial expressions and gestures.
Rephrase if needed: If the person doesn’t understand, try saying it differently instead of just repeating it louder.
Be clear and direct: Use simple language and try to keep things easy to follow.
Write it down if needed: Use a pen and paper or a speech-to-text app.
Be patient: Give the person time to take in what you’ve said and respond.
Ask, don’t assume: If you’re not sure how to help, just ask what makes communication easier for them.
It Takes Time
It took time for me to learn all of this. In the beginning, I didn’t know how to talk about my hearing loss, let alone ask for support. Over time, I’ve come to understand that strong relationships aren’t built on perfect hearing. They’re built on understanding, empathy, and the courage to express your needs, even when it feels uncomfortable.
Want to Talk to Someone Who Gets It?
I work 1:1 with people adjusting to hearing loss in their lives, work, and relationships. Hearing loss coaching gives you space to figure things out and feel more in control.
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